forgive yourself
ponedjeljak, 26.02.2007.
hmm.....
ostavlajam baš danas nekaj tu, i zato jer mi već idete na živce s pitanjima zakaj ne pišem nikaj, ali nije to jedini razlog, ubiti, uopće nema s tim veze... problem je da ni nemam kaj napisati, odnosno imam al sam presebična da to podjelim s vama, pa... da, i ovo samo afrička djeca mogu razumjeti danas; NEZNAJU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
If I keep holding out,... will the light shine through?
Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel
I've been wishing out the days,... come back
I have been planning out,... all that I'd say to you
Since you slipped away,... know that I still remain true
I've been wishing out the days,...
Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have lost you another way
From wherever you are,... come back
And these days, they linger on
And in the night, as I'm waiting on
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream
I go to sleep
If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear?
So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way
There must be an open door
For you to
Come back
And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I'm waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream
And sometimes you're there
And you're talking back to me
Come the morning I could swear you're next to me
And it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'll be here
Come back
Come back
I'll be here
Come back
Come back
I'll be here
Come back
Come back
srijeda, 13.12.2006.
loading... loading... loading... still out of function.......
Zadnji put dok sam imala namjeru nekaj pisati sam skužila da mi je nestala ona lijepa slikica aurore borealis i popizdila sam tak da mi se nije dalo nikaj drugo nego kopirati ljirikse... i sad onu lijepu sljikicu nemrem naći, pa sam ostavila mjeseca (bil je prije tu, ako ga se itko sjeća, i nije bil blog bez slike, nego mjesec umjesto aurore...) kojeg jaaaaaaaako volim gledati u noći kroz dim... i sad bude laura opet rekla da je to neki znak, ne?! 
al objašnjenja opet nema, ha? vraćanje na staro? u prošlost? ili vraćanje prošlosti? neam pojma... daj barem izmisli nekaj 
opet je subota blizu, a petak još bliže, a pive za mene nebude vjerojatno jer me boli grlo, pa budem ovaj vikend glumila dobro dijete, pila čajeke i gledala gnomove oko sebe kak narucuju nove runde sa stolci koji su u takvim situacijama obično previsoki... JEA RIGHT... čini mi se da bude me to prokleto grlo boljelo do ljeta, al nek... sad je još zabavno, dok su takvi pothvati za mene još ilegalni... 
uskoro nebudu... bože, bože, kam taj svijet ide... nekim čudnim smjerovima... sve više balavci više nisu balavci, nego ih zamjenjuju novi balavci koji smatraju da su bolji od starih balavci, a ubiti nisu jer su svi balavci ipak samo balavci, a mene bude ta riječ progonila cijeli dan... jebemti balavce i one koi su ih naštancali... 
mislim da sam izgubila poantu ovog posta (koje ubiti ni nije bilo, kak i obično) i sad više neam nikaj za reči osim nekih tamo gluposti (ko i uvijek) pa....
You get a shiver in the dark
Its been raining in the park but meantime
South of the river you stop and you hold everything
A band is blowing dixie double four time
You feel all right when you hear that music ring
You step inside but you dont see too many faces
Coming in out of the rain to hear the jazz go down
Too much competition too many other places
But not too many horns can make that sound
Way on downsouth way on downsouth london town
You check out guitar george he knows all the chords
Mind hes strictly rhythm he doesnt want to make it cry or sing
And an old guitar is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights to play his thing
And harry doesnt mind if he doesnt make the scene
Hes got a daytime job hes doing alright
He can play honky tonk just like anything
Saving it up for friday night
With the sultans with the sultans of swing
And a crowd of young boys theyre fooling around in the corner
Drunk and dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles
They dont give a damn about any trumpet playing band
It aint what they call rock and roll
And the sultans played creole
And then the man he steps right up to the microphone
And says at last just as the time bell rings
thank you goodnight now its time to go home
And he makes it fast with one more thing
we are the sultans of swing
The story of a loser - it could be you.
Sweet child in time youll see the line
The line thats drawn between the good and the bad
See the blind man shooting at the world
Bullets flying taking toll
If youve been bad, lord I bet you have
And youve been hit by flying lead
Youd better close your eyes and bow your head
And wait for the ricochet
ponedjeljak, 20.11.2006.
nothing to say
You just stood there screaming
Fearing no one was listening to you
They say the empty can rattles the most
The sound of your voice must soothe you
Hearing only what you want to hear
And knowing only what youve heard
You youre smothered in tragedy
Youre out to save the world
Misery
You insist that the weight of the world
Should be on your shoulders
Misery
Theres much more to life than what you see
My friend of misery
You still stood there screaming
No one caring about these words you tell
My friend before your voice is gone
One mans fun is anothers hell
These times are sent to try mens souls
But somethings wrong with all you see
You youll take it on all yourself
Remember, misery loves company
Misery
You insist that the weight of the world
Should be on your shoulders
Misery
Theres much more to life than what you see
My friend of misery
You just stood there creaming
My friend of misery
Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone
No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye
utorak, 24.10.2006.
list
I opet sam doma, nakon škole, i nema nikoga, i ja sam sama s tipkama kojih mi je već sad žal... neznam kak dugo budem ih u stanju danas masakrirati, al bar malo, tek tolko da me ne zaborave... spava mi se, al još je malo prerano za to, a ako i zaspim bude me braco vratil u budno stanje tak da se nebum ni trudila...
jučer sam i ja na sigurno spremila svoj plašt nevidljivosti i sad me više nikad nebudete vidli jer bude stalno s menom... i bez obzira na to da mi ga neki imaju želju ukrasti, nemreju jer im se samo čini da ga vide, al u stvari haluciniraju... to vidimo samo ona koja nosi antenu nevidljivosti, ona za koju nemam pojma kaj nosi i ja... 
dobro, dosta sad o plaštu... zima mi je jer sam stavljala fucking najlona prek veša pošto je počela kiša, a nije imal ko drugi jer nikoga drugog nema...
neda mi se više maltretirati tipke... evo pjesmice, možda je već i bila, al me stvarno nije briga...
And if I say to you tomorrow,
Take my hand, child, come with me.
Its to a castle I will take you,
Where whats to be, they say will be.
*catch the wind, see us spin,
Sail away, leave today,
Way up high in the sky.
But the wind wont blow,
You really shouldnt go,
It only goes to show
That you will be mine
By takin our time. ooh!
And if you say to me tomorrow,
Oh what fun it all would be,
Then whats to stop us, pretty baby,
But what is and what should never be.
* chorus
So if you wake up with the sunrise,
And all your dreams are still as new,
And happiness is what you need so bad,
Girl, the answer lies with you, yeah.
* chorus
Hey, oh
Oh the wind wont blow and we really shouldnt go
And it only goes to show-ow-ow.
Catch the wind, were gonna see it spin
Were gonna...sail, little girl
Do do do, bop bop a do-oh
My my my my my my yeah
Everybody I know seems to know me well
--but does anybody know Im gonna move like hell
--but theyre never gonna know cause I move like hell.
(pick one...heh)
utorak, 17.10.2006.
bez nagovaranja...
... sam odlučila da bi mogla nekaj napisati... ajde da za početak malo poserem onu ustanovu koja me gleda kroz prozor i nikak da se sruši... mda, škola naša najdraža... jučer mi je bila posebno draga... posebno i veoma specijalno nakon kaj su me dvije profesorice, a stvarno neznam koju više volim- dal onu koja me smatra samo neodgovornom ili onu za koja je zaključila da se moje psihičko zdravlje baš i ne uklapa u njezinu definiciju normalnog, zjebale neorganizacijom sata ili jednostavnim 'ups, zaboravila sam'.... a ja konačno pokazala dobru volju da si sredim neke ocjene...
danas sam trebala ići na 'upoznavanje s vozilom', da bi mogla početi za koji dan voziti, al dok mi je instruktorica u 15 do 7 poslala poruku da dođem sat i pol kasnije sam zaključila da mi se neide, pa sam joj lijepo objasnila da se imam previše za učiti i da mi nikak ne paše to vrijeme... jea right... al si zato sad bar imam vremena popiti kavicu ka dsam se već digla tak rano... i napomena za silence- SAMA SAM SI JU SLOŽILA!!!!!!!!! i to za inat svima koji mi ju pred kojih mjesec dana nisu htjeli skuhati, a ja psihofizički nisam bila u stanju obaviti tu veličanstvenu radnju... 
no, čini mi se da sam lagano na pizdarije prešla... da, i da se ne zaboravim zahvaliti svojoj najdražoj gljupači na druženjima zadnjih tjedana (ubiti, prošli i predprošli petak)... i drago mi je kaj se konačno opet malo česće viđamo 
a oni paukići iz prošlog posta su još uvijek gladni... a ja im nisam u mogućnosti pomoći, pa nek sad tak ostanu... možda crknu... to bi bilo najbolje za njih, a i mene bi vjerojatno prestala glava boljeti, i nebi mi monitor više bljeskal, i nebi u kutu oka više gledla plamenove i sjene... nadam se njihovom skorom crkavanju...
I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads
The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggars change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
Singing
One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live
Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed
The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you
utorak, 26.09.2006.
Shallow depressing hollow
I tako neki upravo propuštaju koncert, i nakon nastave su bili na pivi da malo zaborave, i sad pizdiju mami doma i čekaju da ih natira iz stana... a da je glupača malo mislila i šparala prek ljeta nebi sad tu jebala tipkovnicu samo da... ma, neznam, samo da nekaj... ma, oko više stvari je mogla prije misliti, al nije, pa bolje da serem tu nego da budim susjede treskanjem glavom u zid nek mi neko veli dal je normalno da osobe s 17/18 godina vide na televiziji (neki doumentarac na satu... tek da se zna), dakle, da vide konja i odapnu od smijeha... dobro, drži me popizditis, al svejedno... ma, neda mi se više, morala bi si malo posložiti kockice (čitaj nahraniti paukiće) u glavi, pa dok se to dogodi možda napišem nekaj suvislog... previše me neke stvari muče da bi mogla još i o pisanju razmišljati...
She dont wander in...dont wander in here, she...
She dont wander in here...dont wander in here...
The direction of the eye, so misleading
The defection of the soul, nauseously quick
I dont question, our existence
I just question, our modern needs
She dont wander in...dont wander in here, she...
She dont wander in here...
I will walk...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden of stone...yeah...
After all is done, and were still alone
I wont be taken, yet Ill go...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden of stone
I dont show...i dont share...
I dont need, yeah...what you have to give...
Oooh, I will walk...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden...oh...
I will walk with my hands bound
I will walk into your garden, garden of stone...
I dont know...i dont care...
I dont need you for me to live...
petak, 08.09.2006.
striček, morem vas nekaj pitati?!...
Seki nemoj piti, znaš da nije dobro... kaj ak te kazna ulovi, ha? kaj buš onda? konačno sam se dočekala ovog tjedna kaj se riješim svoje i sad je već petak i mislim si kak bude sve to brzo prošlo... pa matura, pa ovo, pa ono... i stalno me pitaju kaj budem nakon srednje, a ja im neznam kaj reči... NIKAJ NEBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!! ja bum doma spavala i navečer išla u hrast na pivu... tak, tu vam je! kaj zajebavate stalno!!! to mi više paše nego slušanje reportova o shoppingima ili kak sem ja ovo soboto bila pijana v šampijono il di bogu već... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa al zato su tu c-kači iz susjedne nam školice, i naravno seka, a i par pojedinaca iz naše škole (nebi ja to rađe imenovala...) pa se imam na komu ispucati... sorry ljudi, al i hvala kaj me ostavljate na životu jer da meni neko tak hoda (mislim, ovo se ne odnosi na sve, kaj se razmemo ) bil bi odavno lansiran u neku drugu dimenziju... čudno mi je kaj sam se tak rano probudila, al kad sam i 'rano' spavati išla jer mi je mama rekla da imam oči kak vukodlak (a kaj sam mogla kad je bil puni mjesec) i nek se preselim s fotelje u krevet... gle, nekak se naoblačilo vani... kišica bude padala navodno, i to obožavam, osim u iznimnim situacijama zvanim subota navečer jer nemremo piti u parku i oduzeta nam je čast da razgovaramo s onim stričakima u plavim odjelima koji imaju prejake svjetiljke i blokiće, i onda se ancha nema komu jadati kak ju kičma boli ... mda, nekak sam se prisjetila ja bjutiful subote s placa
kave mi ponestaje u šalici... a ovo pisanje me nakak uspavalo i sad me noge ne slušalu pa me nema ko odnesti do kuhinje kaj si još skuham... a doma nema nikoga da se zaderem i provedem ostatak prijepodneva čekajući nečiju samilost...
dobro, dosta za danas... da ovo završim prije nego zaspim...
NO BUDE SE NEKO SMILOVAL I SKUHAL MI VEĆ JEMPUT TU PROKLETU KAVU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!'
utorak, 22.08.2006.
grounded
Evo, čak mjesec dana sam se odmarala od tog godišnjeg, i nisam se zamarala s pisanjem postova, samo sam tu i tam koji komentar ostavila... a pošto smo se moja draga silence i ja dogovorile nekim spiritualnim putevima oko pisanja, evo, nek ti bude trenutno uživam u kavi koja ubiti uopće ne liči na kavu nego neku zmešotinu koja se ni neče zmešati jer je hladna... i mislim si kak za niti 2 tjedna počinje škola i nemrem vjerovati da se tomu veselim (prvi put u životu, bar mislim), ali se ne veselim školi ni ljudima s kojima se budem srela, pogotovo ne iz razreda jer mi apsolutno niko ne fali... sorry ljudi, al stvarno mogu bez vas... veselim se zbog činjenice da budem mogla van, jer mi je mama u subotu kad sam se vratila doma objasnila da mi je to bil zadnji izlazak do kraja praznika... naime, kasnila sam jebenih POL SATA, al dobro, nisam baš ni prisebna bila... i baš mi je zato čudno kaj sam si zapamtila kaj je rekla.. al nema veze... dosadno je meni doma, al njima bude naporno s menom... možda shvate...
i jedna pjesmica koje se moja seka sjeti dok joj seru doma, a uvjerila se, baš kak i ja da dok ti starci il bilo ko peru mozak, il bar pokušavaju, korisno je biti tiho i ponavljati si neke stihove... pa nek si gamad misli kaj si hoće
If I am silent then I am not real
But if I speak up then no one will hear
If I wear a mask theres somewhere to hide
Silence is golden
I have been broken
Safe in my own skin
So nobody wins
If I raise my voice will someone get hurt
And if I cant feel then I wont get touched
If no truths are spoken then no lies can hide
Silence is golden
Nobody gets in
Safe in my own skin
So nobody wins
Did you hear me speak
Do you understand
Did you hear my voice
Will you hold my hand
Do you understand me
Wont someone listen
Nobody gets in
My bodys a temple
But nothing is simple
Silence is golden
I have been broken
Something was stolen
Safe in my own skin
ponavljam, korisno je... ostanu bez texta prije nego shvate da bespotrebno seru
petak, 28.07.2006.
Home at last
mda, konačno smo došli doma s tog 'godišnjeg' koji je doslovno bil godišnji mojih starci, a meni sad treba odmor od njega... vratili smo se jučer rano ujutro i onda duuuuuuuuuuuugo pavali, hm... neki i do 3 ili pol 4, nisam sigurna kolko je bilo kad me molester braco nježno kak samo on zna probudil... al dobro, uvjerila sam se da je hrast di sam ga i zadnji put posjetila i da još uvijek toče dobru hladnu pivu : onda su me prošetali do grada da se sjetim kakvo je to selo za vrijeme prošćenja 
al i to bude prošlo... glavno da sam ih po dobrom, starom, vlastitom, osobnom i jedinstvenom običaju izludila svojim izjavama koje su ovaj put bile tipa 'nemrem vjerovati kaj sam doma, kak je tu super, kak je predivno NE gledati starce cijeli dan', i tak... al jebiga, kaj mogu kad sam stvarno bila oduševljena ko mala beba slatkišima kaj sam doma i kaj mogu raditi kaj mi paše... dobro, nebum više kompa izluđivala, moram se šparati za žive žrtve navečer
She scratches a letter into a wall made of stone
Maybe someday another child wont feel as alone as she does
Its been two years, and counting, since they put her in this place
Shes been diagnosed by some stupid fuck, and mommy agrees, yeah...
Whoa...yeah...hey yeah yeah...
Why go home... (3x)
She seems to be stronger, but what they want her to be is weak
She could play pretend, she could join the game, boy
She could be another clone...ooh...whoa...ah yeah...
Ooh...
Why go home? (4x)
What you taught me...put me here...dont come visit...mother...
Sting me...
Whoa...ooh...
Why go home? (4x)
What you taught me...put me here...dont come visit...mother, mother, yeah...
Why go home? (7x)
Whoa...
a kaj WHY GO HOME... pa tu je ipak najljepše
subota, 15.07.2006.
nakon nekoliko tisuća godina konačno koristim vrijeme kaj sam sama doma da nekaj napišem... makar neam pojma kaj da ustvari napišem jer je sve tak kak je, zakurac, al uz pivu je sve lakše. jučer sam bila u zagrebu s sekom i fensijom, koji nas je kvalitetno prošetal gornjim gradom, u potrazi za nekom tam pivnicom koju nismo na kraju našli, al zato postoji mali medo u kojem toče gričku vješticu i crnu kraljicu pa smo zalutali tam na koja dva sata. i bilo nam je super i pili smo al se ne i napili pošto smo bili sponzorirani prijevozom moje tete pa nam je bilo malo bed... da, znam, PIZDE smo, al nema veze jer nam je i ovak bilo super. i, ak se slučajno nađete tam, u zg-u, doneznamkojegdatumajermisenedaićipogledati, idite pogledati izložbu umjetnost uvjeravanja... prošetati se može i za 10 minuta, al bogami imate kaj tam cijeli dan za raditi...
oprostite, al ova pjesma je za moje sfucane, raspadnute i trule živce, i za oke kojima treba čišćenje kvalitetnom dozom suza... a to im upravo kombinacija tih dviju stvari omogućava
sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
were laid spread out before me as her body once did
all five horizons revolved around her soul
as the earth to the sun
now the air i tasted and breathed has taken a turn
and all i taught her was everything
i know she gave me all that she wore
and now my bitter hands shake beneath the clouds
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
i take a walk outside, i'm surrounded by some kids at play
i can feel their laughter, so why do i sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
i'm spinning, oh, i'm spinning
how quick the sun can, drop away
and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
all the love gone bad, turned my world to black
tattooed all i see, all that i am, all i'll ever be...
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, i know you'll be a star
in somebody else's sky, but why
why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?
i jedna o kojoj sinek i vlado znaju nešto više... odn., ma, nema veze
She should have stayed away from friends
She should have had more time to spend
She should have died when she was born
She should have worn the crown of thorns
She should have been a son
She should have stood out in the crowd
She should have made her mother proud
She should have fallen on her stance
She should have had another chance